


Change

by fmpwolf462



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Cheesy romance, Criticism accepted, Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I want to improve, In it for the long haul, LATER, M/M, Memory Loss, New love, Possible Character Death, Rekindled love, Romance, Self Harm, Slow Burn, Smut, Suicidal Ideation, VictUuri, Yaoi? Lol, be safe, but seriously read the tags, fasten your seat belts, feel free to correct mistakes in the comments, h/c, ice husbands, if it will trigger you please don't read, its gonna be sad for a bit, oh yeah, possibly, post-Season 1, some really heavy themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-27 11:16:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10017386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmpwolf462/pseuds/fmpwolf462
Summary: On HIATUS. Return TBD





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I made some edits after several re-reads. I hope that improves the quality of the chapter!

Cars buzzed down the street. The sidewalks filled with crowds bustling about their daily lives. Shopkeepers cleaned their display windows and swept the floors. A man bumped into another on the street, exchanging quick apologies before pushing on. Two women stood at the crosswalk, laughing together. From this open window, all seemed normal.

His mom would open the bathhouse in ten minutes. His dad would start the lunch preparations. Minako would be warming up inside her dance studio. And Yuri would sit here, like he had for days, watching folks come and go in a dull haze of consciousness between life and death.

His stomach would talk to him, urge him to eat something. He would stare at the tray from last night his mother brought him, the food cold and untouched. A pork cutlet bowl, full to the very brim. Yuri knew it was wrong to waste good food but he couldn't bring himself to eat it. He had warned his mom not to bring it.

Through glossed over eyes, he peered at his phone. Silent. He picked it up and swiped over to rummage through Instagram. Happy faces, fake smiles, and glowing lives. Yurio and Otabek, cooking for his grandpa. Pichit taking selfies with people Yuri hadn't met. Chris lounging on a beach with a heavy grin and a fresh martini. He scrolled and scrolled, burning the images into his skull until he was looking at photos from months prior. A post of Victor's, holding him, smiling.

Yuri's phone slipped from his shaking hand. He dropped his glasses and rubbed his eyes roughly. Through clenched teeth he whimpered. A sick sob clawed its way up his throat and pushed out through a sudden stream of tears. His chest pulled tight and he rubbed at his face again and again until his cheeks went raw.

Violent tremors overtook his body and he fell on his side. He desperately curled into a ball, holding his legs to his chest and trying as hard as he could to stop. But his thoughts did not relent. The tears soaked through his sheets into his mattress again without any sign of stopping.

The walls of the room reverberated with broken cries of agony, breaking the former silence. It would be that way for a while.

Minako headed to Yu-topia again that night. She would hurry up to Yuri's room and knock. Try to talk to him through the door. Eventually open it and yell at him for moping around and doing nothing. Yuri wouldn't react, only withdraw more into himself. Minako would cry and leave, slamming the door behind her. It was something every day with her. Either she tried to get him up and out, or she brought him food, or asked how his shitty day was even though she knew the answer. She would complain about his silence, the grim atmosphere of his room, and how he looked like crap. She'd try to cheer him up with good memories or promises of new ones. But eventually she gave up on him.

Yuri knew that he stressed his friends. He knew he was a burden to his family. He accepted his failures in full stride, and used them to bury himself in a hole. Each night he sat next to his bed and prayed desperately that he wouldn't have to go on another day like this.

The phone buzzed obnoxiously from his desk. Yuri glanced over at his screen. A text from Yurio.

_Hey asshole I'm coming to Japan tomorrow_

A little bit of color almost returned to his eyes. And before he could even pick the phone up, it buzzed again.

_I'm bringing Makkachin_

Yuri didn't know what good it would do. The whole reason Yurio had the dog in the first place was because Yuri couldn't take care of it, let alone himself. He said goodbye to Makkachin almost immediately after this all started. He wasn't going to chance screwing up the rest of the dog’s life as much as he had warped his own.

Light from the moon pierced through the crack in Yuri's curtains. It flooded the room with a pale blue glow, washing over the walls and the floor like a heavy tide. Yuri slumped down into his bed, still not dry from the morning. With minimal effort, he winded the sheets around his body and buried his face in the blanket. The physical comfort they offered did nothing for the mental storm raging behind his eyes. He was drowning himself in that vast sea of remorse and guilt; his rational thoughts cramped in a small boat in the middle of a typhoon.

His brain didn't stop. It kept up this dangerous race of thoughts like there was no end. He thought about himself and Victor, time and mistakes.  How much he wished to turn the clock back and change it all. How it was his fault. And no one denied him. It was just the truth that what Yuri had done killed Victor.

Things started off so great. They were together, on the ice, finally. Skating and dancing together. Offering suggestions and helping each other with anything. It took some convincing for Yakov to agree to take both of them but they were so happy and persistent that it didn't take long. Yurio had some choice words about it but in the end he was happy deep down. He got Victor back in Russia, after all.

They lived together for that time. They trained together, both of them in agreement that until Yuri won gold, they would hold off on marriage. Well, mainly just Yuri. Victor started making plans the moment Yuri arrived in Russia. Yuri would protest in jest, and just smile and laugh.

It was all good for so long. Victor's season was starting great. They were making a real headway with their doubles program, despite being unable to actually compete. Though Victor planned to change that by the next year with help from the association and their friends, he didn't get the chance. An accident in practice. Since then, Yuri hadn't touched his skates. He could still see them tucked together in his closet, gathering dust.

He visited Victor every day that he could. But as friends and family quit going, he did too. Not entirely, but he limited his visits to once a month. Every time he went, he talked to Victor like the man was listening. Like they had their arms wrapped around each other, lounging on the couch after a hard practice. Having recently showered and made hot chocolate, Victor would smile and laugh, nursing his drink in between Yuri's exasperated tales of the day. His blue eyes would sparkle like gems, full of life and love. He'd cover Yuri's face in kisses and snuggle into his warmth before taking his turn to talk about everything under the sun.

They could talk for hours. Or Yuri could listen for hours. But it didn't matter to him; being able to watch Victor go from one topic to another, throwing his hands about and gesturing like a madman, just being with him was enough. The way he told stories like every one of them was a treasure, and even little quirks where he'd lower his voice trying to mimic someone, or the pitch would jump when he was excited about his favorite part; Victor gave him a reason to live and just be.

This is why Yuri didn't sleep. He didn't ever want to lose those memories. Those precious days with Victor in Russia and having him as a coach. He would sort through every thought, every word that he could find in his brain exchanged between them. Time would wind onward as he attempted to catalogue each hello and goodbye, every embrace, each kiss. Soon, hours had passed and it was time to return to his window. The moon had already gone and the sun threatened the horizon.

"Get the hell out of bed you stupid katsudon." Yurio kicked the headboard of Yuri's bed, jarring him out of his cocoon. The blonde grunted, "I didn't come all the way out here to watch you mope and turn grey in this fucking place. Makkachin’s waiting downstairs." It must have been morning already.

To Yurio's apparent surprise, Yuri stood up and reached for his glasses. He wiped them on his shirt in a futile attempt to clean them. He stepped forward with his legs shaking and Yurio grabbed his shoulder.

He sighed, "Ugh, you seriously think you're going out like that? That shirt looks like a wet trash bag." With a grumble, Yurio shoved the older man into his desk chair and went digging in his drawers for clothes. "Jesus to think a 16 year old has to take care of a grown man like a damn toddler." He found a clean sweater and jeans, thankfully, and dropped them on the desk. Yurio snapped at Yuri, "What are you just sitting there for?! Get that stupid look off your face and change."

When Yuri struggled to get his shirt over his head, poor Yurio helped him with a scowl. "Tch. World class figure skater can't even change his own clothes-" The shirt was off and Yurio's heart sunk. He wanted so badly to hit him and cry. But there was barely any skin left to injure. Yuri's pale skin was covered in bruises and welts, scars and scabs, several that looked new. Yurio stood deathly still for several seconds. He hit the desk out of nowhere and shivered with rage and hurt. Looking back up at Yuri, he forced back tears.

Yuri was emaciated; any skin he could reach on his chest or back was scratched and ruined. The bruises that littered his torso ranged from red to purple, raising the skin on top of them. His rib cage was easily visible and served as a severe contrast to his flat stomach. His face hid it well, barely showing any sign of malnutrition.

The blonde whipped his head away, only to pull the sweater over Yuri's head. He averted his gaze to throw off Yuri's shorts and slip the jeans up his legs. They were weak and gangly, also sporting the same look as his chest. Yuri kept his sights on the floor at his feet, ashamed but not regretful.

Yuri stood from the chair and Yurio shook quietly. He clenched his fists and yelled. His voice was broken. "Y-you dumbass! Why would you do this? Why did you do this to yourself? Damnit-" He hit the poor desk again.

Quiet sobs drifted out of his chest. Yuri stiffened up at the sight, but his eyes were so dead tired that he couldn't cry. "Yurio, I just-"

"No, you shut the fuck up!" His stance turned rigid, grabbing Yuri by the collar. "You are such a god damn idiot! I've been- sick- with worry and you didn't tell anyone what was going on- do you think Victor would have wanted this?! Do you?!" His voice cracked. "You stupid- stupid- idiot!" He softly hit Yuri's chest, barely enough to even feel it. He leaned his head forward, tears dripping from his face and clenched his teeth in pain. Yurio kept hitting him and crying softly for a minute or two. The mood wasn't tense anymore, just woeful. Sad and quiet. Yuri didn't dare move a muscle. He just waited until Yurio's sobs died down and listened. Yurio sniffled hard and scrubbed at his nose. "We're going to the hospital."

Yuri didn't argue with him.

"Yuri." He moved to his side to support the older man to the stairs. "When was the last time you visited Victor?"

An answer didn't come. The descent down the stairs was slow.

"We're going to see him and then I'm checking you into the hospital." Yurio sniffed and rubbed at his nose in vain. Yuri nodded and sighed. For once in the past two months, Yuri felt the pang of guilt in his stomach. Not like the dull ache that he had come to know, but an actual feeling of remorse and sadness. A small realization that maybe he hadn't killed his emotions yet. A spark of hope.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos guys, it means a lot! ;w; I really wanted to get this chapter out, I'm impatient with my own story. Hope it's up to snuff!

Yuri was sluggish on his approach to the hospital. They left Makkachin with Yuri’s parents since the hospital didn’t allow dogs. The sun glared in his eyes. He raised his arm to look up, to the windows upon windows of rooms. His heart throbbed in his chest and his vision began to close in. It had been over three weeks since he had returned here to see Victor. The sounds of noisy traffic seemed to recess to the background as he and Yurio approached the tall glass doors. Yuri slowly followed along next to him. His expression turned grim as his eyes centered to the floor, tracing the outline of colors in the tile.

Their ascent in the elevator was quiet. Both knew the floor and the room. Sounds of their steps echoed into the empty hallway in front of them. Devoid of life. Yuri took a deep breath as if it would help him steady himself before pushing into the room.

Victor laid there, serene and beautiful. His hair was growing back where they had shaved it prior to his hospitalization. He looked healthy with pink lips and flushed cheeks, his chest raising with each breath. The machines around him whirred on, a beep with each heartbeat and black screens covered in numbers changing every few seconds with new data.

Yurio stood quietly next to the front wall as Yuri pulled over a chair. He sat next to the bed and folded his hands together. After a few minutes, he spoke to Victor with a feather like softness. "I'm sorry that I visit less. It's gotten so difficult for me to see you like this." He wiped his eyes. "I didn't come here to complain, I promise. Yurio came to see you." Victor, of course, did not stir. "Do you think- I should give up? It's been nearly sixth months, Victor. I feel like- I just feel like it's wrong to keep you like this. Like some sick, selfish wish to keep you here when you've already gone- have you? I don't know... I've really messed up, Victor. You would be so ashamed to see me like this. I haven't practiced in months, I can't bring myself to skate. But you know that already. I’m always repeating myself, ha… Part of me is afraid you won’t remember. So maybe this is good practice just in case you can’t remember me. I’ll have to enthrall you once again." He chuckled breathlessly, “I don’t know if I can pull that off, especially in this state.”

After a pause, Yuri found his words again. “When you wake up- if you come back to us, can you forgive me? I don’t know if you should but, I hope you will. I know it was a mistake but- I could have stopped it. I could have- done something else, anything else… I regret everything I did that day.”

Yurio winced. He was there when it happened. Just a normal practice session turned into a nightmare. Frantic yelling and sirens, people turned into passing blurs of panic in an instant. And Yuri blamed himself for the whole thing. He couldn’t get back onto the ice, he wouldn’t. The whole skating community took a blow. Everywhere that Yuri went, he faced the fury of the media and fans. Fans of Victor’s that had changed to see Yuri in a positive light, now saw him as the perpetrator again. And this time, Yuri couldn’t face them. The inner strength that he had found through the previous year with Victor faded fast without him; the foundation of his castle disappeared from beneath him and it was his own fault for that disappearance.

The media coverage seemed to slow after a month, but friends of the couple agreed that it was best for them to get away and rest together in Hasetsu. With a lot of help, they were able to transfer Victor from Russia to Japan, and Yuri had been home since. Not that he or Victor had improved, but at least Yuri was in the company of family and had the comfort of home.

It was surreal, knowing that Victor was alive in the hospital bed, but he wasn’t living. Yuri continued to talk to him, like Victor needed to know every detail of each person he saw passing on the street. Yurio would never admit it out loud, but the fact that Yuri could even do this was amazing. As broken a man as Yuri had become, he still smiled for Victor.

Yurio let him go on for about an hour before he couldn’t stand it anymore. Not because of Yuri, but he was getting hungry, and that reminded him that Yuri probably hadn’t had a proper meal in weeks, if not longer.

“Come on, pork cutlet bowl, we need to get you admitted.”

Yuri finished his sentence, then nodded and got up. As they left, Yuri checked back over his shoulder for a last glimpse. At least Victor didn’t seem as pale anymore.

They stood in the elevator again together, watching the lights count down. The first floor held the waiting area, and it wouldn’t be long before they reached it. Yurio tapped his foot anxiously, then broke the silence. “I only have a few days here,” He began. “So I need you to promise me something.”

Yuri blinked, seeming confused. “Sure?”

“Now you listen to me-!“ He huffed, “This isn’t something for you to brush off, okay?!”

Yuri straightened up a bit in surprise, making eye contact with the ruffled blond. “What is it?”

“After I leave, you better recover- even if Victor doesn’t.”

Puzzled, Yuri questioned, “I already knew that, but what’s this promise about?”

“I’m getting to it!” Yurio yowled, a slight hiss in his voice. Yuri waved his hands a bit in front of him like a defensive maneuver. Yurio huffed and looked away, “You’re promising me that you’ll get better and- return to competing. I’m nearly 17, I’ve got a ways to go and- Victor’s gone, I can’t- I can’t lose you both, okay?”

He was so sincere that it took Yuri a minute to really process the words that he had just heard. “Yurio, I can’t-“

“Yes you can, okay?! You got yourself into the Grand Prix twice, you did it before Victor, and you can do it again on your own. You have your own strength and- people that support you. I su-“ He swallowed. “Look, people don’t want to see you like this. And didn’t you promise Victor that you would have at least 5 finals under your belt before you retired? It’s just- sad that I’m going to win gold this year with little to no competition. Not that- you’re much competition anyway, ha-” Yurio’s fake laugh was easily readable. “I mean if I keep improving, I’m definitely going to beat your record, and- “ He started to seem a little flustered, so Yuri smiled. “What the fuck are you grinning at?!” Before he could yell, Yuri was coming towards him, arms outstretched.

There was nowhere to run. Yurio backed up and slapped the button to open the elevator door but they hadn’t hit the ground floor. He was cornered. Some kind of evil flame popped up in Yuri’s eyes as he leapt in for the kill.

A hug. A big ol’ warm hug for Yurio. He groaned in disgust and pushed against Yuri’s face, “Get the hell away from me!”

Yuri just grinned, “Okay. I promise.”

As Yurio was released from the hug, he mumbled, “You do…?” Then he shook his head violently and reiterated himself. “I mean, uh, of course you do, stupid!”

The blond grumbled along as the elevator door opened and they headed to the counter. Yuri just offered a genuine smile. He didn’t know how long a recovery from this weight would take, or if he could even fully recover after the damage he had caused. But Yurio came to Japan just to ask him to return to skating, and if that wasn’t inspiring, he didn’t know what was.

He didn’t feel confident in himself, but he did feel like there was a chance for him.

“Yurio, what about Makkachin?” Yuri inquired, watching the Russian’s face.

“She’s happier here, can’t she just stay at the inn? Your mom and dad seemed happy to have her back.”

Yuri scratched his cheek. “I guess so. Do they know I won’t be there to care for her?”

“You ask too many questions, I’ll take care of it, okay? Just get better. Stupid.” Yurio walked away with his hands in his pockets, ignoring anymore of Yuri’s attempts to continue the conversation.

After Yurio spoke with the nurse at the front counter, he returned to Yuri with a packet of papers to fill out. After the papers were done, a doctor completed a physical for Yuri. He decided that Yuri did need to stay, possibly for a couple weeks, to reintroduce him to regular meals and put him through a counseling program for his self-harm and depression. Of course, the treatment wouldn’t completely end there, but he wouldn’t be bound to the hospital 24/7 after that.

Yuri counted himself lucky that the staff were caring and considerate, even when probing about his scars and various injuries. He hated talking about it. But if he was going to stop, then he had to open up.

The following two days were rather boring. They had him just resting and taking fluids, slowly introducing vitamins into his system. Yurio didn’t seem too bothered by the lack of action, but every time they changed an IV, he left the room in a big rush. Though Yuri didn’t blame him, he was sick of getting pricked by the end of day one.

The two skaters really didn’t talk too much after Yuri had been admitted. When Yurio had to leave, they hardly exchanged pleasantries. Yuri made sure to show him a smile. In return, Yurio just stuck his tongue out. Then Yuri was alone.

Yurio called his mom and dad, and they had Minako in charge of checking on Yuri since they were horribly busy with the inn. Yuri wondered if she even wanted to see him after he had treated her. Of course, she did show up, but she wasn’t as peppy as usual.

She came to visit the day after Yurio’s departure, bringing flowers for him. “Hey there Yuri.” She settled them on the counter next to Yuri’s bed.

“Thank you, Minako. They’re gorgeous.”

She smiled sweetly as she sat next to the bed, keeping her eyes off of him.

He felt his heart sink, seeing her like this. With a deep breath, he blurted out, “Minako, I’m sorry for brushing you off and treating you like dirt- You were only trying to help and I didn’t feel anything… I didn’t want to be so awful to you. Please forgive me! I don’t-“

“Yuri, it’s okay,” She interrupted.

He paused, looking into her eyes. “But-”

“No, I accept your apology. I- said some really stupid things to you that I’m sure didn’t help. Trying to force you outside wasn’t helping either.” She reached for one of his hands, turning it over to look at his palm. “The last time I remember your hands being smaller than mine was when you were a seventh year…” Minako smiled, but found tears dripping down her cheeks. “I wish there was something I could have done to keep you from getting to this point. I didn’t know.”

He felt his heart breaking over her words. That poor heart of his had taken quite a few beatings in the past few months. “How could you have known? I didn’t tell anyone, and I hardly left my room once I returned to Hasetsu… This isn’t your fault, okay? I did all of this to myself because- because I thought I needed the punishment. I thought it would make the guilt go away. I thought that physically expressing the pain I felt would help to ease the mental pain. I can’t say that it didn’t help at all, but I can see for once that beating myself up isn’t going to make any of the sour feelings dissipate. I don’t know if I’ll ever reach a point where these thoughts go away. I don’t know how I’ll improve. But I do know that I want to. I want to skate again, at least one more year. I don’t care if I don’t even make it through Nationals; I just want to enjoy competing one last time for Victor. But mostly for me. Maybe it will serve as some form of closure, I don’t know. I’m saying all this just because I- I need your help. I understand if you don’t want to work with me anymore, but- I had to at least ask.”

Minako sighed and smiled, reaching over to ruffle Yuri’s hair. “Of course I’ll help you. I’ll stand with you through anything as long as you let me get a table with Yurio and Otabek again.” She started to laugh, and Yuri couldn’t help but chime in. He laughed so hard, he coughed and choked, causing Minako to jolt up and call for a nurse. She just freaked out more when the nurse didn’t come right away, which made Yuri laugh harder because of the look on her face.

When he finally quit his coughing and laughing fit, he wiped his eyes. “Oh God, my sides hurt.” He rubbed at his sore ribcage, snickering a little. “You can take the blame for this one.”

She huffed and rolled her eyes, “Oh please, you’re the child that found it so funny.”

They talked for another thirty minutes before Minako said her goodbyes. Yuri found himself content for once, finally putting his mind at ease for a night. He fell asleep, and slept for hours, for the first time in two months.

The reintroduction process got easier after that. In a few days, he was able to drink fluid himself, mainly vitamin water, but things got a lot better when he was able to have tea again. Before long, he was having milk and could swallow chicken broth. He was gaining some weight back, but still under where he needed to be to start exercising. Yuri passed the time reading and doing any kind of physical therapy they would give him. His main nurse celebrated with him the first time he was able to take a bath by himself, or at least without direct assistance.

Several days, he walked out to the courtyard of the hospital just to sit in the sun and read. Mostly he read books about comas and head trauma, in hopes it would provide him some sort of insight into what Victor needed from him if he ever did wake up. The thought still chilled him to the core; that Victor might never return. But like Yurio had reminded him, Victor definitely wouldn’t want him to give up on his life just because Victor wasn’t a part of it anymore.

In spirit, Yuri kept Victor with him. He liked to think that they were getting better together, and that maybe Victor could return to him once Yuri could skate again. He frequented Victor’s room, to talk to him and share his plans about competing again.

Lots of hospital staff got to know him over the three weeks he ended up staying. They learned about him, and started to tell their families about him. Soon, word was spreading all over Japan that the silver medalist from last year’s grand prix was planning to return in the next year. They told his story, about him falling in love with Victor, then tragically putting Victor out of commission and Yuri’s decent into depression. But now he was fighting to make a return. He was determined to skate again even after his loss, because of his own volition and drive. He would skate to prove his love again, that Victor didn’t spend his last years in vain, if they were indeed his last.

He was discharged from the hospital when he was able to eat regular foods three times a day. He still had to keep up with some heavy prescriptions, as well as attend regular physical therapy for his atrophied muscles. Yuri’s return home this time felt like nothing else before. He felt a confidence in himself again, an inner strength that had been missing since he lost Victor’s companionship.

When Yuri stepped into the lobby of the hot springs once more, he knelt down and profusely apologized to his parents. Makkachin bounded to him and covered him in wet nuzzles and licks, refusing to back off even as Yuri tried to keep his apology together. His parents didn’t really care about what he had to say. They just hugged him and cried for him; no punishment, no hateful words. They had dinner together for the first time nearly a year, and Yuri finished every bit of his pork cutlet bowl.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realized that I forgot about Makkachin ;; What kind of animal lover am I... Don't crucify me, I went back and made some additions to the first two chapters. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter! It's my favorite so far .w.

Several days had passed since Yuri’s return home. He kept himself on a rigid schedule. At six AM, he went for a run with Makkachin. At seven, he started practice at Ice Castle Hasetsu. Around twelve, he broke for lunch. After lunch and until two, he took Makkachin to the park and played with her. Then, he could run errands if he needed to or just get to his weight training. He had a lot of muscle mass to gain if he was planning on returning. Finally, he took dance lessons from Minako around seven PM before he ended his day with a soak in the hot springs. Yuri got used to it after a several days, but of course, something had to change that.

Yuri was startled awake Monday morning by the annoying ring of his cell phone. He groaned and squinted when he turned it over to look at the screen. The letters were blurry as hell but he could just about make out the caller ID. One of the words was definitely hospital, which prompted Yuri to then answer in a flash.

"Is this Katsuki Yuri?" A woman's voice sounded through the line, urgent and excited.

"Yes, do I need to come back in already…?"

The woman was quick on her response. "Oh, no, Mr. Katsuki it's-"

Yuri's breath caught in his throat.

She continued. "Victor is up!"

“If this is some kind of sick joke, I swear-“

“No sir, he’s conscious bu-“ The phone got shut off and forcefully tucked into a pocket.

In his haste to get up, Yuri caught his leg in the sheets and tumbled into the floor with a thud. He hopped up and groped around the bed for his glasses. Once secured, he was out of his room.

He had to see if it was really true. Nothing else in the world mattered except getting to that hospital to see Victor. Even if he didn't remember, even if he couldn't recognize Yuri, even if he didn't act the same, Yuri had to see if it was true. His heart sunk, but he would power through. He had to see those blue eyes again even if it killed him.

Yuri excused his way through walking commuters like a mad man, and wedged himself into the last spot on the horridly crowded morning train. The whole damn ride was spent biting his finger nails in a sad attempt to calm his nerves. In his hurry off the train, he nearly ran over some poor girl and her boyfriend, but awkwardly side-stepped and tripped over the nearby trashcan. Thank God it didn’t spill but he would definitely be feeling the impact on his hip later.

His feet couldn’t carry him fast enough down the sidewalk even though his calves were burning from this breakneck pace. A heavy sweat broke over his brow when he refused to slow down at a crosswalk. The car trying to cross the intersection slammed on its brakes and the driver honked the horn, but Yuri was gone. He had his eyes set on the top of the hospital building in the distance. His phone was buzzing like someone was calling him but he ignored it and zoomed past shops as quick as he could go.

The man skirted to a stop in front of the hospital’s entryway. Gasping for air, he doubled over in exhaustion for a few seconds. He coughed and wiped his brow, then made an attempt to wipe the sweat off his face with his shirt tail. In a dingy shirt and stained sweatpants, he looked like the broke college student he had been a couple years prior. Victor would definitely be on his case about his clothing if he remembered even a little. The thought had Yuri chuckling, and it lightened his mood as he made his way to the elevators. He had no idea what to even say to Victor. Nothing he read could prepare him for the anxiety welling up in his stomach as the elevator carried him to the sixth floor. Each footstep down the hallway echoed in his brain and his heart jumped into his throat.

He reached the door of Victor's room. His hand lingered by the handle, frozen in place. Luckily before he had time to second guess himself, a nurse opened the door on her way out. Yuri recognized her. She apologized and smiled, passing by him. Once the door was open, Yuri crossed the threshold.

Victor was looking out the window, sitting up, and quiet. He held the edge of the sheets at his lap, with his bright pink socks sticking out the end. Crystal blue eyes reflected the bright lights above his bed. The thin patterned robe hanging off his figure matched the messiness of his bedhead.

A smile etched into Yuri's features. He reached to cover his mouth as tears welled in his eyes. He took a shaky deep breath and wiped his eyes. "Victor...?"

The older man turned his head around, silver locks following behind. For a second his eyes were dark but when they connected with Yuri's, color blossomed into them. "Hi-"

"Victor!" Yuri started bawling, probably losing all the fluid he worked so hard to gain the past few weeks. But that wasn't his concern when he threw his arms around his fiancé. It had been so long since he had been close to Victor, feeling his heartbeat in his chest and his breath against his skin. He smelled like plastic and bathroom cleaner but that didn't matter. Yuri knitted his fingers into the fabric of Victor’s robe and nuzzled into his warmth, shaking from his crying.

"Hi there-" Victor tensed a little, then relaxed to hug Yuri back instinctively. "Are you-"

Before he could finish the question, Yuri pressed his lips to Victor’s. The Russian blushed, and looked horribly flustered when they parted. Victor couldn’t help but stare at those perfectly full lips and gorgeous chocolate eyes. He reached to touch his bottom lip, hypnotized by Yuri’s pale skin and flushed cheeks. He found himself smiling, but horribly confused, “You are so beautiful but- I’m afraid we haven’t been introduced.”

 Yuri furrowed his brows, and felt his heart drop. He was just being typical Victor and joking around. Right? “Very funny, Victor.”

“No- no, honest, I-“ He grasped the side of his head, wincing in pain. “Ow, headache.”

He swallowed harshly and sat up, his hands lingering away from the man in front of him. He gasped in a breath and covered his mouth, holding his breath. He waited in silence for Victor to grin and tell him everything was alright. For Victor to laugh and tell him that he had missed him. But when it didn’t come, his eyes welled up full of tears. He covered his face in his hands, desperately trying to keep it together.

After massaging his temples, Victor looked back to Yuri. “W-whoa are you okay?” He reached to touch Yuri’s cheek, but froze when Yuri spoke.

“You don’t remember, do you?” He didn’t look up from his hands.

Victor blinked, his face contorting into confusion. “No? I don’t think so anyway. I mean- I honestly don’t remember how I got here- But I tend to forget stuff a lot so.“ When he noticed Yuri starting to sob, he reached out to grab his shoulders. “H-hey now, it’s going to be okay! I don’t know what’s going on in your life but you seem like a strong guy so… you can make it through!” Without any idea what else to do, Victor pulled Yuri into a hug and rubbed his back.

He was such a sweet person. Yuri felt himself smiling, curled up in his fiancée’s embrace. His tears stopped coming when he listened to the man’s steady heartbeat. Well, slightly unsteady now because he was probably nervous, but it was a gorgeous sound nonetheless. It reminded him that even if Victor had lost his memories, he was alive and breathing, which was more than Yuri could even ask for. He was awake and aware and apparently still himself. After several minutes, Yuri looked up, smiling. When Victor noticed he was being stared at, he blushed hard and tried to focus on literally anything else in the room. Yuri took a deep breath and relaxed into Victor’s arms, resting his head against the man’s chest.

“You were in a coma for 9 months, Victor,” he breathed. “We were engaged, and skating together. You were a five time world champion figure skater and we were making history.” Victor now couldn’t take his eyes off the Japanese man, enamored with his expression as he spoke fondly of the past. “My name is Yuri Katsuki. You took off a year and became my coach. You helped me return to figure skating and I won silver at the Grand Prix finals. I promised you that I would continue competing since I didn’t win gold for you, ha…”

“Sounds like I was very into ice skating.”

“Yeah, reporters will probably be swarming your bedside by tomorrow since you were basically the face of figure skating for years.”

“Fun.” Victor hummed, watching Yuri close his eyes in content. “It also sounds like I was very into you.”

Yuri smiled, absentmindedly. “You were.” His cheeks tinted pink. “We were- definitely in love.”

“I wish I could remember.” A sharp pain hit the front of his head when he tried to think about past events. “So what now?”

Yuri pulled away from Victor and rubbed his arm. “I guess they’ll give you a physical and go from there. See what you remember, and closely watch you for a couple days. I’d like to stay through that, if you’re okay with it.”

Victor shook his head, incredulous. “Are you kidding? You think I would turn down spending time with the most gorgeous man I have ever seen?”

He was definitely as brazen as Victor. “You’ve been awake for a total of what, three hours? And I’m one of the like four people you’ve seen in that time.”

“That’s beside the point. I need someone to teach me about my past and it’s pretty clear you were the closest to me, no?”

Yuri couldn’t argue that. He started to say something else but the door was opened by a nurse. The nurse was followed by a couple more, as well as a doctor. The doctor smiled to Yuri, “Hi there Katsuki, how are you holding up? I’m sure much better now that Victor is up.”

He nodded sheepishly, then rubbed the back of his head. “Except he doesn’t seem to remember me.”

“He should regain his memory in time.” The doctor pulled a stool over from the counter in the room and sat next to Victor. “Are you still feeling alright, Mr. Nikiforov?”

Victor nodded before the doctor held his chin and checked his eyes with a flashlight. He had him do some basic focusing exercises and asked him to remember a few different things. He checked his reflexes, then listened to his breathing. Yuri watched for any sign of stress, but Victor acted like it was all routine.

“So you have some sharp pains around your forehead? I would suggest not moving up or down quickly, as well as not turning your head too fast. The source of your trauma was right here at the corner of your hairline.” He gently touched the top right area of Victor’s head, adding a small bit of pressure at different points and following up with Victor to see if there was pain. He seemed to experience more pain above his eye instead of where the stitches had been. “It’s an absolute miracle that you’re able to function as well as you are. You’re very lucky.”

Victor smiled, but wondered about his lost memories. Would Yuri be okay if he could never remember them? He felt some kind of fondness with Yuri here but it wasn’t love. Was it? He groaned as his head started to ache and the doctor pulled his hands away.

“Sorry, I was trying to remember,” He rubbed his temples again, hoping to ease the pain.

“Well you should probably refrain from straining your brain like that. Over time, your memories might return if you don’t further the damage. Speaking of memory, do you remember the items I asked for at the beginning of our conversation?”

Victor blanked. “Um. An orange, a pen, and something else. Or was that it? I’m not sure.” He leaned back into the bed to rest his head that started to hurt worse.

“Okay, rest a little while and I’ll come see you later okay? Yuri, the cafeteria is open downstairs if you want breakfast.” The doctor left, and a nurse followed behind him. Another nurse stayed and checked Victor’s vitals manually before heading out as well. That left one more to check for clean linens. Yuri recognized her from his stay.

“Akira, how are you?” He asked softly, even though Victor wasn’t asleep. He had his eyes closed but he was listening.

The nurse seemed a bit startled by her name, and turned to face him. She nearly squealed, all excited to see her patient. “Yuri! You look great! So he really is your lover then?” She grinned, watching Yuri shift uncomfortably in his seat. “Sorry, I’m too nosy for a nurse, I know. Anyway, this chair folds out if you want to rest. There’s towels and blankets in this cabinet if you need it. Oh, and a pillow! If you need anything, just call for me, okay sweetie?”

Yuri smiled politely and waved as she left the room. He sighed and relaxed, turning his attention back to Victor. The man nearly jumped when Yuri took his hand. “S-sorry.” As Yuri retracted his hand, Victor grabbed it and held onto it, never opening his eyes. Yuri chuckled breathlessly and laid his head against the mattress, keeping his eyes on Victor. Eventually, his grip loosened and he was asleep. Yuri wanted to keep vigil but he found his eyelids growing heavy. All the excitement of the morning had taken more out of him than he thought. He didn’t know what he was going to do about his career at this point but he could figure that out after a nap, right?

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it? Comment your thoughts!


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